The A’s are finally over. Yet somehow I can’t seem to care. I’ve been so apathetic/frustrated/doubtful lately.
Talking to TWE (The Wicked Evangelist aka Chew) has helped though. Without her, I’ll probably spiral into depression. It’s like we can talk crap and she still manages to put everything in perspective and make things a lot better. Hah, and she claims she’s not good with people.
Anyway, what I was saying was that I am so awkward now. I don’t know how to stand, where to stand, what to do, what to wear, what to say, how to say it. It’s like I don’t know anything anymore. I don’t know what I like, what I should like, what’s wrong, what’s right. I’ve always thought I had a strong moral compass, even if I don’t always hold up to my own standards. Now I think I’m like the cheesy Jackie Chan film Who Am I and I’m the Jackie Chan character who wakes up not knowing who he was. Ends up shouting “Whoooooo ammmmm I……” from atop some dusty hill.
It’s quite bad.
I’m 19, I shouldn’t have to go through this again. I’ve paid my dues 5 years ago. Teenage angst is for teenagers and I don’t need my own coming of age drama. Why is it so hard? Why, when I thought I’ve got it all figured out, everything changes? Anyone going through the same thing now?
X.
